When People are Big

Every day people make decisions that are controlled by the fear of man.  We often don’t admit it to ourselves and this becomes part of our bondage.  Not everyone who fears people is hiding under their desk.

We need to understand the fear of man in order to shrink its influence.  In When People Are Big and God is Small Ed Welch lists three main reasons why we fear other people: 

1. “People will see me.”

We fear other people because they might find out that we are not who we pretend to be.  We’re too insecure to deal with that.  Think of all the things you don’t try because you don’t want people to see that you aren’t good at it.  Maybe your brave at basketball, but you would be terrified to open your mouth at a Bible Study. 

Ever since Adam and Eve sinned we’ve been hiding in shame.  Adam and Eve tried to cover themselves with fig leaves; we try to cover ourselves with our false self-images.  We try to present ourselves to the others like we’re something we’re not.  We have a wide variety of masks we wear depending on who we’re around and what we think they expect.  

We’re posers, we know it, and we’re terrified that eventually someone will see through our masks.  So, we keep people at a safe distance.  We fear other people because they can expose and humiliate us.  Deep down we know that eventually the masks will be thrown off.  It cannot last.  As Kierkegaard once wrote, “Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour when everyone has thrown off his mask?  Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked?  Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight to avoid this?  Or are you terrified by it?”

2. “People will reject me.”

There might be nothing people are more scared of than rejection.  Welch writes:

…Sometimes we would prefer to die for Jesus than to live for Him.  If someone had the power to kill us for our profession of faith, I imagine that most Christians would say, "Yes, I am a believer in Jesus Christ," even if that meant death.  The threat of torture might make people think twice, but I think most Christians would acknowledge Christ.  However, if making a decision for Jesus means that we might spend years being unpopular, ignored, poor, or criticized, then there are masses of Christians who temporarily put their faith on the shelf.  "Death is not imminent, so why hurry into such a rash decision?"  "There will be time later to get things straight with God."

In other words, kill me, but don't keep me from being liked, appreciated, or respected.

Does that sound too harsh?  Remember that one word: evangelism.  I am sure that many teens would rather die than have their friends catch them hanging around with the church youth group or doing Christian drama on the streets.  Aren't the most popular missions trips the ones that take us far from our own neighborhood?  Russia is easy; our own neighborhood is a constant challenge...

The sin resident in the human heart (fear of man) wields awesome power.  The praise of others—that wisp of a breeze that lasts for a moment—can seem more glorious to us than the praise of God.  Jesus Himself told the Jewish leaders, "How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?' (John 5:44)

Today we would be nice and call the Pharisees people-pleasers.  We would say they "struggled with peer pressure."  Since all of us are affected by it at one time or another, we are almost sympathetic toward such behavior.  But this is perhaps the most tragic form of the fear of man.  Teenagers are constantly making unwise decisions because of it.  Adults, too, look to people for their cues.  We wait for others to take the initiatives of love.  We spend too much time wondering what others may have thought about our outfit or the comment we made in a small group meeting.  We see opportunities to testify about Christ, but we avoid them.  We are more concerned about looking stupid (a fear of people) than we are about acting sinfully (fear of the Lord.)" (Edward Welch, When People are Big and God is Small, 37-40.)

3. “People will hurt me.”

We fear people because they can physically harm us.  Don’t think that this kind of fear is experienced only by children and perhaps an adult walking down a dark alley.  In most of the world today it could cost you your life to claim to follow Jesus Christ.  Safe America is the exception, not the rule. 

On the other hand, many physically secure Americans crumble with the fear that someone might hurt them financially.  Many Christians collapse as cowards because their fear their career or their chance of advancement being hurt.  Compromise and get ahead.

These three fears are multiplied by the fact that the world wants us to fear other people.  In school and society we’re told, “Play by our rules or you will be rejected.” “You better think that what I think is important is important!”  This is how people control and influence each other.  Advertisers use it to sell us things.  Politicians use it to push their policies.  For example, before New York state redefined marriage the state senators who were resisting so-called gay marriage were told, “You don’t want to be on the wrong side of history.” They caved in.

How Jesus is the Antidote for these Fears

If we are honest with ourselves, we can see the straightforward and subtle ways that these three varieties of the fear of man influence our lives.  We need to realize what is going on in our hearts in order to change.  But even more, we need to see how truth about God answers these fears.  Welch listed three main varieties of the fear of man.  Let’s now how God’s truth answers each of these fears.

1. God already sees us.  He knows us better than we know ourselves and He still chose to go to the cross for us.  He covers our shame with His righteousness.

You can stop worrying about being seen when you realize that the One whose opinion matters most already sees you.  You can’t hide from God.  Psalm 139:1 declares, “ O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.” Hebrews 4:13 states, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”  We can hide from other people, and we can even hide from ourselves, but we can’t hide from God.

The fact that God sees us laid bare is absolutely terrifying except for realization that He chooses to love us in spite of what He sees.  While we were still sinners Christ died for us.  (Romans 5:6-10)  Even more, just as He clothed Adam and Eve with animal skins, God also chooses to clothe us.  Isaiah 61:10 states, “I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”

We can drop our fig leaves, because God clothes us in the righteousness of Christ.  Ephesians 1:4 states that God “chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.”  Notice what it says about how God sees believers.  Because of what Jesus did for you, God sees you as holy and blameless in His sight.  

2. If you have Jesus as your Savior, He has forever accepted you.  You have been adopted as his son or daughter.  He will never forsake you.

We do not need to fear rejection, because we have been permanently accepted by the One who matters most.  Ephesians 1:5 goes on to tell believers that, in love God “predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.”  When someone trusts Jesus as their Savior they are adopted as God’s child.  Likewise Galatians 3:26 tells us, “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.” Not only that, but we are also “heirs according to the promise.”  (Gal. 3:29) 

Our adopted Father is a perfect Father.  A perfect Father doesn’t abandon or disown His children.  God knew ahead of time who He was adopting.  He knew what all our struggles and failures would be, and He still choose to go through with it.  He will never forsake us.  Romans 8:38-39 promises, “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

3. If you are saved, nothing can ultimately hurt you.  Nothing can come into your life apart from God’s permission and purposes. 

People can hurt us, but not in the long run.  Romans 8:28 gives us God’s sweeping promise, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  God is ultimately in control of all things, including every possibly hurt that could come into your life.  People may intend it for evil, but God purposes it for good.  (Genesis 50:20) 

The Bible does not hide that fact that Christians will face fearful things.  Peter told believers, “But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. ‘Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.’” (1 Pt. 3:14)  Jesus Himself warned His followers that they would be persecuted, hated, and that some of them would even be put to death; yet Jesus had the gall to tell them, “but not a hair of your head will perish.” (Lk. 21:12-19)  This life is a speck compared to eternity when God will make all things right.  Ultimately, no man can harm you if God is your alley. 

Think about what Jesus told us, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Mt. 10:28-31)

Fear God Not Man

I once knew an otherwise normal person who had a fear of cotton.  I have no idea what would make someone afraid of cotton, but she claimed she was.  I didn’t believe her, so one day I surprised her by throwing a cotton ball on the table in front of her.  She screamed, jumped up and panicked.  I still don’t understand.   

For many people the only thing more harmless than a cotton ball is their idea of God.  God is soft and cuddly and certainly should never be feared.  Yet, the Bible says a lot about the fear of the Lord.  Here are a few verses that talk about it: 

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” –Proverbs 9:10

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” –Proverbs 31:30

“Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.” –1 Peter 2:17

“An oracle is within my heart concerning the wicked: there is no fear of God before his eyes.  For in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate sin.” –Psalm 36:1-2

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” –Ecclesiastes 12:13

In all, there are about 150 referenced to fearing God in the Bible.  No, we shouldn't be afraid of God as if He is some sort of monster, on the other hand the fear of God is lifted up in the Bible as a good thing of critical importance. 

FEAR = HEAVY CONCERN

For our purposes here, let’s define “fear” as heavy concern.  I am tempted to say "healthy concern" but the problem is that the fear of God is not the only kind of fear out there.  Another kind of fear is the fear of man.  So, when we talk about fear in this context, it doesn't have to include the idea of terror, although it might.  Instead, when we fear God or fear man it means that we have heavy concern about them.  

Heavy concern can be a good thing or it can be a bad thing.  Some things are appropriate to have heavy concern about.  Some things aren't.  It is strange for a person to fear a cotton ball, but it wouldn't be weird to fear a table-saw.  In fact, there is a lot of danger in not fearing a table saw.  If you don't have heavy concern about your relationship with a table-saw, your new nickname might end up being Lefty.

The reason I bring this up is because your choices will be determined by what you fear the most.  If you have a higher concern for what other people think of you, your choices will be controlled by that.  But if your healthy fear of God is greater than your fear of man, then you will choose God.  Unfortunately, way too often our fear of man is huge, but our fear of God is small. 

We care about the praise that comes from man more than the praise that comes from God. We are like the people described in John 12:42-43,“Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved praise from men more than praise from God.” 

Fear of Man goes by different names.  Sometimes we call it peer pressure, people-pleasing, or even co-dependency.  Edward Welch describes the fear of man in his excellent book When People are Big and God is Small:

The fear of man is such a part of our human fabric that we should check for a pulse if someone denies it.

In the United States we are on the tail end of a revolution that included scores of books on codependency.  For years every book that had the word "codependency" in the title was a guaranteed best seller.  Melodie Beattie, for example, made millions with Codependent No More.  She obviously hit on a topic that was important to many people, yet it was basically the fear or man in a secular garment.  Melody Beattie talked about the problem in terms of being controlled by or dependent on other people, and her prescription was to love yourself more.

That approach sounded a little shallow to the evangelical world, so many Christians responded by saying that a better treatment for codependency is to know God loves you more than you think.  God can fill you with His love, so you don't have to be filled by other people.

This certainly is better than the exhortation to love yourself more, but—and this might sound controversial—even this answer is incomplete. The love of God is a profound answer to just about any human struggle, but sometimes we can use it is such a way that it becomes a watered down version of a profoundly rich truth.  For example, sometimes, because of shortcomings in us rather than Scripture, this answer misses the call to "consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3), or it ignores personal repentance.  Sometimes it allows us and our needs to be at the center of the world, and God becomes our psychic errand boy given the task of inflating our self-esteem.

We need to go further in searching the Scriptures so that we can truly understand the nearly universal experience of the fear of man… To really understand the roots of the fear of man, we must begin to ask the right questions.  For example, instead of "How can I feel better about myself and not be controlled by what other people think?" a better question is "Why am I so concerned about my self"  "Why am I so concerned about self-esteem?"  "Why do I have to have someone—even Jesus—think that I am great?"

…We need a way to think less often about ourselves…

The most radical treatment for the fear of man is the fear of the Lord.  God must be bigger to you than people are . . . Regarding other people, our problem is that we need them (for ourselves) more than we love them (for the glory of God.)  The task God sets for us is to need them less and love them more.  Instead of looking for ways to manipulate others, we will ask God what our duty is toward them.  This perspective does not come naturally to any of us, and many of us need to look at this truth from several angles before we can see it.  But the conviction of this book is that this truth is another of Scripture's divine paradoxes—the path of service is the road to freedom (17-19).

For all of us, our fear of man is too big and our fear of God is too small. We hold people in awe and wonder, but God not as much.  We are more concerned about losing the pleasure of people than displeasing the God and King who made us. 

We all need to learn to fear people less and to fear God more. To do that, we’re going to start with the first three steps listed in When People are Big and God is Small:

Step 1: Recognize that the fear of man is a major theme both in the Bible and in your own life.

Step 2: Identify where your fear of man has been intensified by people in your past.

Step 3: Identify where your fear of man has been intensified by the assumptions of the world.

Part Two: When People are Big