Family Technology User Agreement

In the post Parenting in an Age of Technology I suggested using a Family Technology User Agreement when you entrust your son or daughter with a new piece of technology. This document will help them think of their new phone or computer as family technology rather than own private property, even if they are designated as the primary user.  Even more, this is a tool to talk about what it means to use technology in a healthy, God-honoring way. Here is a sample agreement I put together. Feel free to cut and paste and make whatever changes you think are appropriate.

Family Technology User Agreement

This is a user agreement for [name]                           regarding the use of [item of technology]                        .

Technology is created by God. It has many good uses and is not essentially evil. However technology has been perverted and abused by sinners. Therefore we must use disciplined discernment regarding how it is used. Like a rifle or a chainsaw, technology can be very useful but it can also be dangerous and harmful if it is not used carefully.

I realize that the use of this piece of technology is a privilege, not a right. I also realize that this is a piece of family technology, not my private property.  Even if I am designated the primary user of this piece of technology, I do not have complete authority over this device. I am not under the illusion that I have a right to complete and total privacy concerning how I use this device, especially concerning how I use the internet. I accept the truth that accountability and the authority of my parents is a good gift from God.

I realize that my parents have the desire that I will learn to use technology responsibly so that I will make good choices even when I am no longer under their roof. The more I show a long-term consistent track record of responsibility, the more my parents will be able to give me more trust and freedom. (Poor choices will decrease trust and freedom.) In the meantime, I realize that my parents have the responsibility to “trust but verify.”  I realize that I was born with a sin nature and I live in a culture that pushes me to make sinful choices. Accountability and precautions are always a good thing.

I also realize that there may be additional rules or guidelines that my parents will give concerning the use of this technology.

I agree to this user agreement as a condition for the privilege of using this piece of family technology.

Signature: __________________________________________  Date: ________

Download as a Word Document

Related:

Parenting in an Age of Technology

Five Potential Goals for Parenting

Teens and Technology

Teens & Technology

Honoring God with your use of technology means more than keeping porn off your screen. Purity is absolutely important, but today's Christian teens also need to consider the ways that texting, smart phones, and surfing can make it difficult to glorify God with what you communicate and how you think. For teens who want to honor God with their use of technology, here are a few quick points to consider:

•       Realize the difference between texting vs. phone vs. face to face. Approximately...

               10% of communication is words.

               30% of communication is tone of voice.

               60% of communication is body language.

       If this is true, what is the best way to avoid miss-communication or to work out conflict?

•       Constant communication leaves no time to think or to process.

•       The Internet is giving us attention deficit disorder and makes it harder to concentrate and remember.

•       Constant communication means there is no time to cool down.

•       People can be very “brave” (foolish) behind a keyboard.

•       We have a strange new view of privacy. We’re hidden from the people we should be open to and open and exposed to those we shouldn’t be.

•       When we’re never absent from each other it is very easy to get co-dependent.

•       When we’re never absent from each other there is never time to stop and evaluate.

•       The Internet never forgets.

A few Bible passages that are relevant for teens and technology:

1 Corinthians 6:12
 “Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything.

•       Don’t be controlled by technology or become addicted to it.

•       It’s healthy to unplug.

•       It’s healthy to have limits.

Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

•       Think before you type. Sometimes a slow response is good.

•       The silicon rule: Don’t say anything digitally you would not say to their face.

•       Use face to face communication to work things out.

John 3:19
Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

•       Sin loves secrecy.

•       You are far less likely to sin if you don’t think you’re being secret.

Job 31:1
I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.

•       Commit yourself to honor God with your use of technology.

•       Embrace accountability. 

•       Deal with both HEART and HARDWARE to resist sin. Work on your heart but don't be foolish about what you give yourself easy access to.

Matthew 18:9
And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.

•       Be willing to take drastic steps if necessary.

•       Don’t let society tell you what’s normal.

1 John 2:15-17

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

•       Don’t let greed control your heart. It is easy to be greedy for the latest and greatest tech.

•       For many people technology is a status symbol. Beware of pride.

•       Keep your focus on what is eternally important. Stay on target.

Related: Parenting in an Age of Technology

Parenting in an Age of Technology

The average age for a child to receive his or her first cell phone is now 11.6. If that seems young, consider that since this is an average, for every teen who is given a phone several years later than this, there is a child given a phone a few years younger than this.

Technology can be a helpful tool but it also confronts kids and parents with new challenges and dangers: easy access to pornography, online taunting, foolish sharing of information and pictures, constant texting and addiction. Technology also changes how we think, how we process information, and how we relate to people.

I recently taught a three-week class on the topic of parenting in an age of technology. I found that parents have deep concerns about these issues but feel unequipped about how to respond. Technology keeps changing. It is impossible to discuss every piece of technology and every issue, but there are a few foundational principles that can help parents to navigate these waters.

1. Parents need to ask themselves what their ultimate goal is for their kids. Everything else is going to be influenced by this. If the goal is merely to get peace and quiet, then it makes sense to throw a screen in front of a child a as babysitter or to give a him an iPad to keep him out of your hair.  If your goal is to have a trophy child, then you will be tempted to equip her with the best technological status symbols. If the goal is mere happiness, you will give your child whatever will make him happy. If your main concern is that your child likes you, it will be hard to enforce any rules that she may resent. On the other hand, if your ultimate desire is for your son or daughter to grow as a disciple of Jesus, then your decisions about the use of technology need to flow from that goal. [See my article: Five Potential Goals for Parents.]

2. Christian families need to think about technology from a Christian worldview. I recommend viewing the film by David Murray titled God’s Technology. In this well-produced video Murray walks parents through four Biblical principles, three possible responses, and a seven step training program for parents to use with their kids. The four Biblical principles are that (1) technology is created by God, (2) technology is not essentially sinful, (3) technology has many good uses, but (4) technology has been perverted and abused by sinners. With these balanced principles in mind, our response should be neither an enthusiastic embrace of all technology, which is foolish, nor a strict separation from technology, which is impossible—even though it is sometimes tempting to go live in a cave.  Instead, we need to cultivate what Murray calls “disciplined discernment.” [See my article: Teens and Technology for some talking points.]

3. Think of technology like a rifle. Like a rifle or a chainsaw, technology is a tool that can be useful but can also cause great harm. Parents need to know how technology works and what the potential dangers are before giving it to their kids. For example, parents need to realize that teens can access the internet with an iPod touch or most mobile game systems. Remember that technology is constantly changing and you need to keep up. Sites like CovenentEyes.com (and their blog) & GetNetWise.org can be a great help. It is essential to train your kids before giving them each new tool. Teach them how to use it safely. Would you give your kid a rifle without a safety class?

4. Discuss what is appropriate and inappropriate. Ask your kids to tell you specific examples of ways that technology can be misused. For example, ask them what things they have seen other teens post that they think are a bad idea. By asking for examples you are helping your son or daughter develop discernment. It also helps you see what standards they have or don’t have. Your child isn’t going to think of everything, so be prepared to give your own examples as well. For example, ask your daughter, “Do you think it is good when other girls post bikini pictures to facebook? Why not?”

5. Use a two-fold approach: HEART and HARDWARE. You can’t control your kids with filters and firewalls alone. They can always find a way. Parents need to target the hearts of their children rather than merely relying on hardware and software to do the job for them. As a parent, your goal isn’t just to keep your kids safe now, but to prepare them for eventual release into the world. If your filters were the only thing keeping them out of moral sewage, they will plunge themselves into it the moment they are no longer under your roof. The heart is the real target for discipleship anyway—our loves and desires define who we are. On the other hand, don’t fail to take advantage of help such as filters and parental controls. Blind trust is foolishness on the part of parents. Even the most moral of teens are still sinners with the potential to do very bad things. Wise parents will apply Ronald Reagan’s words, “Trust but verify.” A consistent track record of responsibility leads to greater trust and freedom.

6. Combat unhealthy modern views of privacy. Young people are growing up with a very strange view of privacy. It is an infringement on their right to privacy if mom or dad checks on their internet history, but on the other hand they will share personal and inappropriate information with the entire internet. Today’s ethos of privacy has us hidden from the people we should be open to, and open and exposed to those we shouldn’t be. Instead, young people need to realize that accountability is a good thing. Sin loves secrecy. I recommend using Covenant Eyes on internet devices, especially with teenage boys. Also, start getting your kids to think of any technology entrusted to them as “family technology” rather than private property. Explain to them what it is like in the adult world when a company gives their employee technology to use. The employee usually does not have a right to complete privacy concerning how the technology is used. In the same way, give your kids technology with the understanding that even if they are the primary user it is not their private property. Also consider having them sign a “User Agreement” before giving the technology to them. [Click here for one you can use.]

In some ways, we face challenges unlike any other generation. On the other hand, there is nothing new under the sun. Past generations had to figure out how to handle the introduction of the telephone and the automobile. Every generation from this time forward will be faced with technological game-changers. We need to learn to adapt while we keep our eyes on that which does not change.

Related:
Five Potential Goals for Parenting

Teens and Technology
Family Technology User Agreement